21 months ago I was as fit as I had ever been, excluding when I qualified and enlisted in the military around 20 years of age.
Then I had that move from Grafton to Canberra. My routine was smashed, my activity levels dropped, I stopped sleeping well and I got unfit and weight went on. I then injured my knee and I’m on the path back from it but I still can’t walk on it without pain.
I’m now 15 kg heavier than I was when I arrived. And I don’t care. That isn’t what this post is about.
I’m actually not unhappy about my ‘body image. ‘ About the only thing I’d like to improve is my strength and fitness. Not my weight. It’s an arbitrary number, but my fitness and pain levels during even basic exercise are quantifiable and have a direct impact on my quality of life.
This is about starting again.
But it seems that I can’t get a clean, uninterrupted go at any routine. And I get the shits with that! I like to know I’m going to have a red hot go and get runs on the board and I love finishing what I’ve started.
So it’s been 3 weeks since I last worked out (which is doing the prescribed exercises from my physio) and I’m frustrated. And I found it really easy to NOT go. It was going to be too hard and what’s the point? What’s the harm in missing one more day?!
So I made myself a deal that I only had to go and do 1/4 of my workout.
That got me in the door. The pain was there, but it eased through the workout.
I just finished the complete hour, with plans for tomorrow’s workout.
Things are hard. Until you start them. Then they just need to be finished.
I need to remember that, because my joints will never be whole again, and if I want to be mobile I’ll need to keep pushing through the barrier of self talk and laziness. And that goes for a hell of a lot more than my exercise routine.