So, my blessed 5 and 8-year-old boys are busy making mummy batshit crazy at the moment.

Well, not at this precise moment, but for the last few weeks at least. And in my fatigue and with stretched resources, I have been hitting my parenting reserves threshold a bit sooner and a bit harder than I like. This has resulted in me losing my proverbial shit, acting like a deranged chimpanzee and yelling, or shouting to get the blessed boys to bloody well listen and get out of the bath, RIGHT GODDAMNED NOW.

The other day, I lost my shit, yelled like a mad thing and the boys finally listened and scampered away to do as they were told like, a million times. And I texted my husband and resigned.

I quit. “DH, I quit.”

‘You quit?”

‘Yup, as a mum, I am a dud, so I quit. Effective immediately.”


“I quit. Being a mum, I quit. I will be a guardian, or a baby sitter, or something, but I am giving up the ‘mum’ thing as a bad joke. I might try being a florist.”

“Ok honey, I will see you when I get home. Don’t forget to feed the cat.”

As you can see, my husband takes me quite seriously also. Nonetheless,eventually I withdrew my resignation. After all, the severance pay was crappy and I had no alternatives if I quit, so I thought I should stay. And if I was going to stay, then I maybe I should try to do things differently.

So I did. I sat my blessed boys down and we had a long chat. Firstly it was about how getting SHOUTY made me feel yukky. And they admitted that they didn’t like it also. So, as a team, we decided we would try another way, and we instigated what my 5-year-old calls The No Yell Rule. Instead of getting to Yelling, if I ask the boys to do something, and they ignore me, I deliver a consequence. The boys picked some of the consequences, but it may be: ]

– No TV before/after school.

– No iPad

– No treat from the shops.

– No play date

– No school excursion.

Master 8 did suggest burning their favourite toys, but we decided that would be messy so we nixed that one.

It has been going for a week and a bit now, nearly 2 weeks, and the boys have had consequences upon them and have just copped it sweet. The best bit though is that mummy and daddy don’t get to “Lose your Shit” level on the parenting scale, so there are no unintended consequences for the players in the Parenting Marathon, and everyone has to speak to each other more nicely. Which my boys, and I, like much more.