It has been a long time since I ran, walked or went up or down stairs freely.

Well over 12 months. Nearly 18 months. Feels like forever. So, I have been religious with my physiotherapy, and inflammatories and been super careful with my knee for these many months, and finally it culminated in a repeat MRI and review by a surgeon.

Sadly, no matter how well-behaved I was, how well I follow my regimen, no matter how brave I was going to the surgeon, I am left with an inoperable injury.
The original injury of 4 partial tears to ligaments and a partially torn meniscus has resolved, but it has left me with 2 conditions –

– chondromalacia patella

– Patella Femoral Pain syndrome

The long and the short of it is – I am now taking my glucosamine and my panadol osteo, like a good girl. For the arthritic changes that have been left behind after the original injury has healed.

I have no option for a surgical fix, but I MAY be able to have a knee replacement – after I am 50 years old.

No, there is nothing else that they can do for pain I experience. But I am to learn the difference between this pain and pain of an injury, if I want to use my knee again (read – do any form of exercise).

I can exercise as much as THIS kind of pain allows me, and I need to exercise – to drop the 10 kilos this injury has cost me, to help manage the knee and keep my sanity. You know – balance pain with activity.

So, I have shifted myself mentally,with a few tears and some anger issues to be resolved and I went back to the gym to find that the rowing machine had missed me.

The neighbourhood walks will become more challenging, I will stop dodging hills – as it is only the pain that is stopping me, and I will swallow my glucosamine like a good girl. Because I have detested being sidelined for the last year, and be damned if that will continue.

I have very little chance of ‘running’ and only a slim, gilded hope of playing basketball again, but at the very least, I will be skiing, walking, riding bikes and not acting like I am 80. Even if I can hear my knee creak and crack in the gym, and so can the guy training next to me!

Bring it on.