The Dud Dad caused a bit of a shit storm when it was posted. And it also resulted in something positive.
I posted it, and it was a newly born post when it was published – it hadn’t sat for a while to be read, and reread and tinkered with, I pretty much typed it, previewed it and scheduled it for the next Monday, even though I was on holidays. More about holidays later.
Anyway, we were hooting along a highway, when I get a text message from a friend, asking me a question which referenced this blog piece. I logged into Facebook and could not quite piece things together, but with the benefit of hindsight, let’s shorten the story shall we?
A new acquaintance, let’s call her Jill, who has not met me in person, but we were friends on Facebook (is the word ‘friend’ now meaningless because of this sort of action on Facebook? That will be something to write about later too methinks.) had read my piece and was offended by it, I think. I cannot be sure as she wrote a comment under my piece, then deleted it before I saw it. But not before some people read it and responded to it.
Jill was offended by my piece and according to those who saw the comment was calling me out on real DUD DADS – domestic violence and general victim blaming. I also had another friend, similar to Jill, who wondered about MY parenting quality – if my DH was doing all this wonderful stuff, then what the hell was I doing?
Anyway, I was a bit miffed that people had missed the point. If my point has been misunderstood, it is because I either did not make myself clear, or people allow their perspectives to cloud what they are reading.
So I clarified it:
(this is what I posted under my blog post on Facebook in response)
I’m completely flattered that people read my work and have had thoughts and feelings about it. That, after all is why I write. That and for my own benefit and pleasure.
However, I think I need to clear things up.
My post was about:
– the team effort that I have in my relationship.
– My gratefulness about this.
– The frustration I feel when people don’t respect themselves or their partners.
– The stereotype around dads being duds, when there are many who rock.
– About how I don’t fulfill a stereotypical role in our relationship, nor does hubby, but we each fill in the gaps.
– the medias portrayal of men’s roles within families and the self-fulfilling prophecy that it becomes.
Many other things…. Mostly about giving myself some slack as a mum and a wife.
My post wasn’t about: Political aspects of women’s work. Domestic violence. (I’ve been in a DV relationship. Hence my gratefulness) Man vs women. I’m happy to discuss these issues, but do not misinterpret a post about forgiveness and gratefulness for another perspective.
Whilst I have not heard from Jill about this, I would love to. I did not think it was a ‘trigger’ post, otherwise I would have prefaced it. It was about my DH, my best mate, and the way our team works its way through the world and me being mindful and grateful.
The positive thing that came out of it?
Whilst all this unfolded in the passenger seat of our Holiday Adventure Vehicle, DH’s curiosity about my blog was piqued and he read his first ever blog post of mine – 1st one in 2 years of blogging!