So, those who know my fleshly interpretation on this earth would describe me (I think!) as not a girly girl. Not into frills, sequins or make up. I can’t walk in heels and have 2 styles of hair – up in a bun/ ponytails, or out and scrunched up.
Maybe a slap of lipstick here and there, but certainly not able to pull off a YouTube tutorial; and definitely not a woman who MUST put her face on before going out into the world. I have girlfriends who I certainly do not normally see sans makeup. Ever.
I have been a moisturizer, sunscreen girl and that is about it, unless I am going for a job interview, to wedding or funeral or a special night out.
I haven’t worn makeup previously for a few reasons.
- I shift work. Frankly, if given the opportunity between a few minutes extra sleep and me despairingly trying to colour in my face with ineptitude whilst it is still dark, for patients who do not really give a crap what I look like – Give me sleep.
- It was not part of my identity – growing up I was labeled a tomboy. This limited me in asking for help. And I was not taught by anyone about make up at all. My sister knew more at 11 than I did when I was 17.
- When I did have a go, I did not think that my own attempts were convincing. I did not like the look of “I am definitely wearing make up.”
I preferred a more natural look but had no clue what to do or buy to get it.
- It felt heavy and gross on my skin. It was a texture that I was not used to and it all seemed so heavy and glunky. Especially when other people applied it on me.
- Choices – oh my god – for a complete naiveté like me, the sheer variety is intimidating and overwhelming. So it is easier to do nothing. And certainly I had no real clue who to ask. I dreamt of going to someone who would sit me down, figure out what I wanted on my face and tell me which 4 products I could buy. Full stop. End of story.
But, much like other aspects of my life, I am letting go of the ” I have never done this before, so I shall continue to not do it.” theme.
It relates closely to “I have always had people define me as XYZ and this ABC doesn’t seem to fit.” which I am also challenging.
So I have been wearing make up.
Without turning this into an infomercial, I have found a brand that seems to work, and a girlfriend who is so bloody supportive, and in no way condescending or horrified at my inexperience, that I could kiss her! She answers my questions, all of them, including writing out a step by step of what to put on, when to put it on and what to do when I want to put sunscreen on when I have make up on and when I don’t.
So I wear a foundation, and a mineral powder. And some lipstick. Just like a grown up!
I am getting used to what it looks like on, and how it feels. And, yes, I like it. And I often get comments ( positive ones, would you believe!) when I bravely go out with it on. Which is nice, because sometimes I am sure I look like a clown.
I am conflicted though – since I do not intend to wear make up every day – sometimes, before a morning shift, putting shoes on the right feet is a challenge, so make up will be a no go those mornings – how do I reconcile looking at my natural face and accepting it, when I am worried that it will become repulsive if I hide it with make up every day?
I want my friends and family, especially my kids, to be accustomed to seeing me as I am, not expecting me to look ‘made up’ all the time. But that is an internal conflict about self and identity and deceit and a little heavy for this post! It is interestingly coming up as a barrier to me making make up a daily routine though. Mainly because I am so tempted to!
I have not graduated to mascara yet – but it is coming, I can feel it, even if it is only for special occasions. I may need my girlfriend to help me though – lordy, can you imagine me poking myself with mascara if I am left unsupervised!!?