I am very good at lots of stuff. Even stuff I do not do regularly or often.
Oh but there are many things I need to do better! But most of the time I let myself slide by as I am always Trying My Hardest, Doing My Best and Having the Best of Intentions. Most of the time I am Good Enough. And Good Enough is Good Enough, by definition, right?!
I try to be kind, generous, empathetic, tolerant, iron my clothes occasionally (very occasionally), embracing new things and letting go of old worn out things.
But sometimes I don’t do as well as I think that I could do or should do.
Recently, where I think I am lacking, falling short, trying my hardest but failing, is in being a friend.
I need to reflect more, specifically on being a better friend.
I think I am great friend, in a crisis, or in a super casual way. I am THAT person when the Shit is Hitting the Fan. I am often the first wave of troops called to arms, with a solution or a support structure and strength to lend. And I am there in the bitter end, ensuring no man has been left behind.
I, myself, am a low maintenance friend, kind of like a cactus – you know, I will grow and do my own things, and only occasionally need a bit of watering. I am often busy, and I am far from a ‘daily waterer’. You know, the kind of people who get all out of sorts if they do not hear from you. Every. Single. Day.
I just struggle with the meat in the sandwich. The day to day friend ship stuff. You know, the meaningful bits on the middle.
I work shift work, which dominates my time, and my family time. I don’t get to do long luxurious get togethers, unless I have specifically got the free time previously booked in, as a rule. I love the coffee and a chat, but often have to watch the clock.
I need my down time before and after work, and I schedule my housework, errands and appointments before and after shifts, so they do not impact on family time, or time off.
I love catching up with my friends, and get a really bad case of disconnectedness when I don’t get to see them But I also need to get other stuff done.
Anyway, I am trying to be more present for my friends.
I have looked at alternatives also – I cannot always be physically present, but I try to maintain a digital presence as best I can.
I schedule get together, especially family ones. I make sure to make my friends feel that although I am busy, I am never TOO busy for them if they need me.
I am also cutting myself some slack – I realise that I am a bloody good friend, and the people who want to be in my life will need to accept me for what I am, who I am and what I can do, or they can choose to not accept me at all…..