This post, no matter when or indeed if it gets published, is being written as I lay in a single bed in a hotel room next to my parents.

I’ve just driven from Perisher snow fields to Lane Cove, Sydney – over 5 hours, after a full day of skiing with my family.

This week is Interschools Snow Sports – the boys ski race for their school.

Tomorrow* is also the day my dad has heart surgery.

Since dads need for surgery was established, I’ve planned to be here for it. Since the date was decided, I’ve planned to leave my kids and husband in the snow fields to be here. To that end, I packed an overnight bag and we drove two cars up to the snow, so I could go away. It was all going to depend on what time my dads surgery was booked for, and they couldn’t tell me that till he’d had his pre op testing today. So, we came down from skiing at 4pm,  and there was a text from mum about dad being booked in at 0600hrs tomorrow morning!

Holy shit.

DH came through as usual. Instead of hanging around to socialise and watch presentation of trophies with some of our favorite people on snow, he saw what I needed and packed me and the kids up and got us off the mountain. Then, whilst I showered and dressed and said good bye to my boys, he filled the car, checked tires and packed it for me.

My boys……. Well.

They are sad I’m not going to be with them tomorrow when they race but they said they were glad I would be with Poppy.
So I’m laying here, listening to my mum snore, it’s  midnight in Sydney, knowing that in 5  hours we get up to take dad for admission to hospital.

I have no input or control here and my knowledge and experience only burdens me, not helps me.

I miss my boys but I would never miss dads surgery. And it’s because DH is so spectacular at his job of being a dad and a partner that I get to be torn completely apart but also know I’m in the right spot.

* this was last week and dads surgery was a success. My eldest also made State for both events and I made it back for the following days racing. I drive 11 hours in 24, but I got to be there for my mum and dad and my husband and kids.