What do Eminem and Lady Gaga have in common?
A couple of their songs are both routinely going around in my head as some kind of melting pot mantra or anthem. Neither song would be a autobiographical anthem for me but both would be part o a sound track to my life. I am not sure who would play me in the Off Broadway stage adaptation of my life, but I hope they can master the One-Eyebrow lift I do when communicating.
I have had facets of me challenged lately.
I’m actually surprised that nobody has called me too sweary…yet!
Apparently for some friends I am too loud when I am excited.
For some work peers, I am too good at my job. Which makes them feel bad.
For some people, I am too intelligent for them, which makes them feel bad.
And for some friends, I am too busy for them. Even though I am never too busy for people. I am busy, yes, but too busy? No.
These things hurt. Being told that a part of you that is either intrinsic, irrelevant or holds no value in your overall humanness makes you feel devalued, frustrated and downright cranky.
But, if I want my self to be the best I can be, therefore allowing me to perform at work the best I can, and perform as a mum – encouraging my children to be the best that they can be, then I need to be ME.
Yup – I can be loud. But I am also considerate, humorous, honest and generous.
Yup -I am bloody good at my job. My patients, colleagues and the organisation that I work for benefits from my proficiency at my job. I also happily teach anyone who wants to learn.
Yup – I am intelligent. And well educated. And my friends, family and clients benefit from it as well. The intelligence I was born with, the education I went out and got for myself because I wanted it.
Yup – I am busy. Life is short, and I want to fit in as much of the important stuff as I can. I have never been TOO busy for anyone who is important to me. I have never waved my busyness around like a banner of brilliance. But I make it perfectly clear to people that:
- I am busy.
- I do not trade my time with my kids for people unless it is warranted.
- I get to decide what is warranted.
- I do not have justify myself to you, but I am more than happy to see what we can make work.
All of the things mentioned above are not actually about me. They are about them.
So I am not sorry about being loud – I will stop apologizing for being me from today. I don’t mind modulating my voice for suitable events, but I will not change who I am for you.
I will not apologise or accommodate your feelings around how good I am at my job. That job is my work and passion. It feeds, clothes and houses my kids and makes a huge difference in peoples lives. I am good at it. I am also more than happy to teach you if you want to learn.
Yup I am intelligent – deal with it. I am also well educated. See above.
I am not sorry for being busy. I am sorry you feel bad about it, but many, many people know how important they are to me without my altering my schedule.
I am no longer sorry for being too much. I am no longer sorry for being me. I know this will take practice, and I know it will still hurt when people say these things, but I am no longer rounding my edges off – because it means I will lose my edge.
I was born this way.
Deal with it.